"What's so great about the latest update for the iPhone?
We've done away with the traditional cut/copy/paste and many other features that Apple considers to be outdated. With the next update we will be bringing out a new, psychic firmware that will intuitively know what you want to do with everything and words will fly around your iPhone into exactly the right place at the right time.
We will, in fact, be doing away with the need to ever touch your phone except to charge it up. This update will be rolling out very soon along with our new line of flying pigs".
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