devonair - I have my iPhone set up similar to what you are requesting I believe. I have my Gmail (from certain addresses) forwarded to my me.com account so I can get push/instant notification.
On my iPhone I have me.com as the incoming/exchange but I have my Gmail as the SMTP and the sending address so really no one even knows I have a me.com account.
Let me know if you have more specific questions.
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