TiPb Birthday Bash: Quickoffice Mobile Suite Give Away

[Rene Ritchie]

Confession: I bought my first PDA so I could work on some book projects while mobile. Several Palm PDAs, Treos, and Windows Mobiles later, and I was still looking for that holy grail: seamless back-and-forth compatibility between my desktop tools and my handset. Of course, the iPhone didn't have any document editing features when it was launched, but flashforward to today, and Quickoffice is the first to fill that huge functionality gap. Quickoffice Mobile Suite ($19.99 - iTunes link) sets the bar:

Quickoffice's integrated application is the essential high-performance mobile office productivity tool for anyone on the go. Experience enterprise-grade Microsoft® Word and Excel® Office functionality with leading-edge innovation and unparalleled ease-of-use. Edit important files with confidence; Quickoffice maintains 100% data integrity and guarantees Microsoft compatibility.

Is this my holy grail? Let's find out: courtesy of Quickoffice, we're giving away two (2) copies of the full Mobile Suite to two lucky forum members and all you have to do to win is help me finish my latest story:

It was a dark and stormy night, and the full moon lent an anxious glow to San Francisco's Moscone Center, still but for long, wind-snapped banners that read: Welcome to Apple's World Wide Developers Conference (WWDC) 2009.

Rene sat, finger poised above the mouse button, ready to click into being the last rumor round up, the TiPb Prediction post. He smiled, his finger coiled, tensed, and--

"Hold the presses!" Dieter roared as he burst through the doors of TiPb HQ, iPhone clenched and shaking in his hands.

"Presses?" Rene said. "Really? We have this series of tubes now called the inter--"

"Quite youse!" Dieter shoved his iPhone at Rene. "Read."

Rene bent forward, took it. "What am I reading?"

"Just the scoop of the century." A smile raced up Dieter's face. "Secret source. Top secret. Roof of the world secret. Would you believe that tomorrow, during the WWDC, Apple is going to..."

What?! Don't leave us hanging like that! What is Apple going to announce?

Turns out YOU have to finish the story, the conversation. That's right. Don't just tell us, show us: we want action, dialog, drama, suspense, comedy. What's Dieter going to say, and how is Rene going to take it? How's the internet going to take it?!

Get your creative juices flowing and the two story-tellers will get each get a copy of Quickoffice Mobile Suite absolutely free.

- One entry per person
- Must have access to US App Store account to redeem promo codes
- Inappropriate or off-topic material will be removed at the sole discretion of the moderators.

Now hurry up and get writing! I want to know how it ends!

[pinny]

going to announce... the engagement of Steve Job's son and Bill Gate's daughter! In honor of the occasion, Steve and Bill have collaborated to produce a new iPhone running Windows Vista, as well as cross-platform availability of the app store enabling Windows desktop and mobile users to download apps too.

(P.S. I would guess that there is a less than 50% chance of this actually coming true. Would you even want it too?)

[c0mpguru]

"give us exactly what we all wanted!...a flash plugin for Safari Mobile!"

Rene looked confused, wondering if Dieter had just made that story up.

"Why are you looking at me like that Rene?" said Dieter. "Do you think I would make something like this up?"

"I would think so." said Rene. "After all these years of begging for flash, they are FINALLY going to give in? Seems pretty strange..."

"I can assure you Rene. My source seemed really confident about this story."

"Really? Who was your source?"

"Well...Kevin Rose, of course!"

Rene looked strangely at Dieter. He couldn't believe that it could be true. They were both filled with enjoyment and were anxiously awaiting the WWDC.

[dannyrodri]

Originally Posted by c0mpguru

"give us exactly what we all wanted!...a flash plugin for Safari Mobile!"

Rene looked confused, wondering if Dieter had just made that story up.

"Why are you looking at me like that Rene?" said Dieter. "Do you think I would make something like this up?"

"I would think so." said Rene. "After all these years of begging for flash, they are FINALLY going to give in? Seems pretty strange..."

"I can assure you Rene. My source seemed really confident about this story."

"Really? Who was your source?"

"Well...Kevin Rose, of course!"

Rene looked strangely at Dieter. He couldn't believe that it could be true. They were both filled with enjoyment and were anxiously awaiting the WWDC.

Hilarious!
Great Job.

[jasonact]

"Just the scoop of the century." A smile raced up Dieter's face. "Secret source. Top secret. Roof of the world secret. Would you believe that tomorrow, during the WWDC, Apple is going to... launch a worldwide attack on the entire computing infrastructure of the US Government!"

"What? That's insane. What are you doing trolling around those Macrumors forums anyway? You know how that always causes you to lose touch with reality."

"No!! I'm serious!" Screamed Dieter, his face beginning to sweat with the anticipation of what would finally become his Pulitzer Prize-winning exposé that would get him out of the seedy, disgusting underworld of tech reporting.

"Look at this source!" he demanded.

"Oh. My. God" was all that Rene could get out. As he looked at Dieter's iPhone, the markings were unmistakable. As he read through the short but powerful email, he read that it was all true. But what convinced him of the validity was not some run-of-the-mill inside source. Kevin Rose was an out-of-touch luddite in comparison. The email was stamped with the distinctive, cryptic signature line of none other than Jonathan Ive. [Imagine something akin to the Illuminati symbol, ala Dan Brown's 'Angels and Demons'.]

"This can't be true," responded Rene, now visibly shaken. Even up in Canada, Rene had heard rumblings about the Apple Revolution, but he, like most sane people, dismissed it as merely urban legend. For years the forward-thinking tech company had grown by leaps and bounds, but there was one man who had not been able to forget. One single board member whose dreams had been dashed and he was forced to leave a life of public service that he loved and return to a life as a private citizen that he secretly loathed. Although he had always presented a stoic, peaceful front in public, he had never forgiven the US Government, whom he felt had stolen his rightful place in history. So he joined the Board of the up-and-coming computer company. Al Gore had suffered in silence for years, but he knew then that his revenge would soon be complete. He only needed to get the rest of the Board behind him. First, he orchestrated a stock backdating scandal that confounded Apple and distracted a few news cycles from their product lines. The Board became irritated. Then he tipped off the feds about how close Apple and Google were becoming. The Federal Trade Commission began investigating antitrust violations against Apple. The Board decided to take action, and Al Gore was the puppet master at the helm. Now he would use Apple's immense surplus of funds, mass computing, and mobile device power to unleash a cataclysmic breakdown so great, that the country would have no choice but to crawl back to Gore, begging him to lead them all out of the post-apocalyptic world that he himself will have created. They would see him as the true visionary that he knew himself to be. 'An Inconvenient Truth' only established his place in the minds of Americans as the only visionary with the wisdom to do it. He only needed the opportunity. With the creation of the iPhone, Gore began the process of distributing devices of mass chaos that would shut down computing with the flip of a switch. His diabolical plan was finally coming to fruition.

It seemed that the only person high enough in the company with knowledge of this could not be as tight-lipped as the rest. Ive was an idealist, one of those creative types who still thought that companies should strive to do good in the world, that government was not a mass of evil and corruption built on world domination, and that computers should be pretty.

Rene looked up at a gleeful Dieter, "You're excited about this?"

"Of course! Don't you see that this information is my ticket out?"

"Out of what?"

"Out of tech reporting, the Mac Mini of the journalism world."

"So what are you going to do?" asked Rene, worried that he knew the answer.

"I'm gonna blow this mutha WIDE open!" exclaimed Dieter, in the Florida street slang he had acquired while selling contraband jailbreak apps to the iPhone junkies on the street and used when he became very excited. "But first, I need you to write a teaser, maybe something cryptic but exciting on the TiPB Twitter feed. I want to get their attention, but I need some time."

"Oh no, Dieter, don't tell me..."

"I have to, Rene. It's the only way." And with that, Dieter left, as intensely as he had come in, but with new vigor.

With that, he began another caper. It would be dangerous. He would fight terrorists. He would uncover espionage and secret societies that the world would not be ready to comprehend. He would team up with undercover FBI agent Erica Sadun, and together they would uncover the details of Gore's evil plan, risking life and iPhone to do so.

Chapter 2
The iTablet Netbook of Mass Destruction
...

[sheardude]

reveal a new iPhone with video recording, more memory, digital compass and higher resolution screen. They will also announce future plans to bring flash plug in to iPhone but it won't happen until months later. iPhone 3.0 update will release within days of WWDC.

Dieter being so excited, started to dance and scream like a girl does during intercourse. During this exciting moment, he drops his iPhone. He then starts screaming. Rene is laughing so hard that his heart started to burn. He quickly ran to grab some Tums (antacid) and shoved them down his throat.

Dieter looks at his now cracked iPhone screen and says "Well, at least now I have an excuse to buy the new iPhone."

Rene looks as high as a kite and says "Dude, you gotta try these. My iPhone now has flash, background processes, 4G, 5 inch screen with 1080P resolution, 12 megapixel camera, and a blade that sticks out of the iPhone for self defense. This is the best day of my life!!!"

Rene however is not holding an iPhone. He is holding the container of Tums and is trying to stab Dieter to show him that the blade really works.

Out of nowhere, a radioactive bear jumps through the window of the room they are in and starts eating Rene. He ends up eating both of them. Rene only realizes the bear was not radioactive by the time it bit his skull open.

THE END

[rbnellum]

introduce an iTablet"

Rene was unimpressed, "That's been rumored for months, what's the big deal."

"The Big Deal, the BIG DEAL is not "what" but "who" will introduce the iTablet." Dieter explained.

"Oh, let me guess, Jobs is coming back and it will be his "one more thing."" Rene guessed, trying to dismiss Dieter's enthusiasm.

"Um Negative Ghostrider that patterns full," retorted Dieter, "you're free to keep guessing or you can just read on..."

Rene decided to focus on the iPhone and see if there was any there there.

"Wha...no...really...seriously...ehhh I'm not...well maybe...it would be a surp...can't be..." Rene couldn't complete a thought as he read the rumor, so finally he stopped. He put the iPhone down, removed his glasses, took a deep breath and tried to wrap his head around it all.

Finally Dieter, channeling Judge Smails, pushed "Well, we're waiting."

Rene, hesitantly and realizing that as he spoke he did believe the rumor, said "so Jeff Bezos is going to introduce the iTablet, which will integrate the Kindle technology and store and run on the same WhisperNet network."

Rene's reason countered, "but wait, they just introduced the Kindle DX, why would Apple and Amazon work together. What is there motivation?"

Dieter, realizing he has an audience explains, "Well the DX was a diversion. Sure, there is a market, but it is small. They even fooled Newspapers into thinking they were going to save them, but Newspapers are beyond hope. Magazines, however, have a future and that future is the iTablet."

Rene, "wait, I'm still not buying it. WhisperNet does not require a monthly subscription. How much is this iTablet going to cost? No way a cellular provider is going to subsidize the cost."

Dieter, "You're right there. It would be expensive, but the "one more thing" is the magazine publishers. They are going to subsidize the cost. You'll get it at a discounted rate if you subscribe to 3 magazines for 2 years."

Rene, "so why would Amazon work with Apple?"

Dieter, "Color and Cache. Magazines demand color. Their ads need to explode off the page and a high resolution iTablet leaves the Kindle in the dust. Plus, Apple is "it" and magazines live off of trends and style. You can't put Vogue on a Kindle and expect the glitterati to read it. Put it on an Apple product and every model will be sashaying down the with the iTablet under their skinny arms."

Rene paused..."guess I need to find three magazines I want to subscribe to"

[joshuawithers]

It was a dark and stormy night, and the full moon lent an anxious glow to San Francisco's Moscone Center, still but for long, wind-snapped banners that read: Welcome to Apple's World Wide Developers Conference (WWDC) 2009.

Rene sat, finger poised above the mouse button, ready to click into being the last rumor round up, the TiPb Prediction post. He smiled, his finger coiled, tensed, and--

"Hold the presses!" Dieter roared as he burst through the doors of TiPb HQ, iPhone clenched and shaking in his hands.

"Presses?" Rene said. "Really? We have this series of tubes now called the inter--"

"Quite youse!" Dieter shoved his iPhone at Rene. "Read."

Rene bent forward, took it. "What am I reading?"

"Just the scoop of the century." A smile raced up Dieter's face. "Secret source. Top secret. Roof of the world secret. Would you believe that tomorrow, during the WWDC, Apple is going to pull out of the WWDC after doing the same thing to the MacWorld Expo"

[iLoveiPhones]

Apple is going to unveil their greatest gadget yet!

Rene looked in anticipation, "Well... what is it tell me?!"

"Hold your horses! I got more good news! They are bringing down the prices of iTune's most popular songs! No more $1.29 prices!"

"That's great!" said Rene.

"Yeah! But that's only the beginning!" Dieter opened the notes app, scrolled down the note as quickly as he could. Flicking down the page.

"I can't wait till' you hear this Rene!" Dieter smirked in excitement. "YAY! I found it" said Dieter. And at that moment, Dieter's finger slipped and accidently clicked the trash icon. Because he hadn't slept in days prior to the event, he couldn't process what had happened and he had pressed the DELETE NOTE button. He then realized what he had done.

"NOOO!! I deleted it!" screamed Dieter. "I had it, it was right here!"

Rene threw his arms up in the air angrily. "Great job genius!" "You probably made it up! I was about to go to sleep! We have a big day tomorrow! And you're keeping me up with your iPhone follies"

Dieter then put his head down in defeat "I wasn't making this up." Dieter looked up into the night sky, his eyes started glistening in the moonlight as his eyes started to water.

"Are you?....crying dude?" a smirk ran across Rene's face. "Cause if you are I got to Twitter this!"

"No...I'm just... shut up!" Dieter said sniffling.

Rene looked at him smiling "It's ok man, I won't tell. I understand. So anyways you excited about tomorrow?"

"Yeah" said Dieter.

Rene rubbed his eyes sleepily "Yea me too. Anyways I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." said Dieter.

Rene then gathered up his blanket and his iPhone and went to bed.

Dieter, still disheveled by what had happened, layed in his bed with his iPhone in hand. The glow of the phone had finally dimmed. Looking off into the darkness he whispered, "It was right here in the notes app. And I had to accidentally erase it. I can't believe it."

"Well I should get ready for tomorrow. Big day." thought Dieter.

The time was 2:30 a.m. Dieter muttered, "I have to set my alarm" He yawned and swiped his finger to unlock the phone. He froze halfway realizing that he had taken a screenshot of the note earlier and conviently set it as a wallpaper so he would not forget it.

"RENE!!!!!!!" He shrieked and sprang out of bed eager to share his news.

"What is it Dieter?" Rene mumbled groggily.

"Hear this!" Dieter said eagerly as he shoved his phone in Rene's face.

"Now with brushed aluminum housing! The new iPhone HD is elegance and durability all in one. The new iPhone HD is as thin as the 2nd generation iPod Touch. Comes with a 5 megapixel camera with an auto focus mechanism. Now comes with HD speakers!"

"Wow." said Rene in awe.

"I know! There's more! iPod touch owners can upgrade to the new 3.0 software update with no fee! Data is still $30 but it now comes with unlimited text! Features like iChat, multiple app processing capabilities, twice the battery life as the 3G, and more is in the new iPhone. Also the starting space is 16GB along with 32GB! Looks like Apple is pulling out all the stops on this one Rene!"

"Yeah seems like it! I can't believe you found the note. You sly dog!" exclaimed Rene.

"Thanks man, it was all part of my plan. I was trying to freak you out. See? And I got you good!" said Dieter with a huge grin.

"Yup you did." said Rene sarcastically.

"I can't wait for tomorrow" said Rene.

"Same here. Goodnight." said Dieter sleepily as he pulled the blanket over him.

"Goodnight," whispered Rene. He then layed in bed and placed his iPhone beside him.

[icebike]

"Would you believe that tomorrow, during the WWDC, Apple is going to...", Dieter, paused to catch a breath, after running up 4 flights of stairs...

"Drop the iPhone product line entirely and get out of the hand held device market."

Hot Latte spews from Rene's nose, drenching his iphone, and keyboard.

"I'm calling Bull****" he shouts, exactly half way between despair and disbelief.

Then realizing he was talking on his coffee soaked iPhone at the time Dieter came storming in. "Oh, sorry Mom, no, not you... No, Mom really, it was something else..., no I DO enjoy chatting mom..., no, don't hang up..., ok, I'll call you back... bye. Rene punched the sleep button, "shlick", the phone went black.

"Dieter, if this is another of your cockamamie jokes you are cleaning this keyboard" Rene threatens. He notices Dieter's face is white as a sheet, and he has a crazy wild wide eyed stare.

Rene clicks furiously at the E-Trade icon on his desktop, hoping to get a stop-loss order in on his APPL holdings before the word gets out, just in case Dieter was right.

Dieter, finally catching his breath, sits on desk, and begins slowly. "That's right, they are dropping the iPhone all together. Apple has made an offer to Zado Graphics shareholders to buy all shares at 30% above market price."

Rene pounds furiously at the E-Trade icon. It won't launch, Latte is still oozing out of the keyboard. "Who the hell is Zado..." he trails off.

Dieter continues. "Apple decided hand-helds are _so_ 2007. They bought this small Swiss company that holds some patents on trans-cranial retinal stimulation, and Jobs has been sitting on those other patents for the ring thing and they are going behind the ear with them and this", he held up is well used iphone, "is going the way of the dinosaur.

Rene, shoves the keyboard aside, and sat staring drop jawed at Dieter. "Dude, what HAVE you been smoking?" he asked. "Slow down, and start at the beginning."

"Ok" Dieter took a deep breath, "This is the story my deep contact in the CFO's office told me, and let me tell you he was shaking when he said it".

"Zado Graphics makes a new trans-cranial, - that's thru the scull - transmitter that you wear like one of those little stop smoking patches your mom wears. But you wear it on they side of your face, just behind one eye. It stimulates your retinal nerve and you see high quality images. It was developed for fighter pilots. Apple is going to talk to it with Bluetooth 3. They don't need the screen anymore, they just talk to the patch, and you see the screen in your head. Wear two patches, you see in 3D".

Rene, a little bit of coffee drooling from the corner of his mouth, blinks. "Are you saying the iPhone won't have any screen?" he asks, his voice rising almost to a squeak.

Dieter nods. "Yeah, no screen". But you see in 1080i HD, and you can see the surroundings right thru the image, or if you close your eye, you only see the image. They are calling it 'iSee'. "

"How do you type on a phone with no screen?" Rene protests.

"You talk to it, just like the monkey in the Google app" Deiter says. A small smirk appears on his lip at the mere mention of the Google Monkey in voice search app.

"When you need to type, or select links in web pages you just reach out and touch the screen".

"Hold on" Rene says, "What screen? Its all in your head you said."

Deiter sighs. "Yeah, but remember the micro-gyroscope patents that Apple holds? Those are going into the ring."

"Ring?" Rene asks?

"Right! The iRing. You wear it on your index finger, and you simply type in the air. Its Bluetooth too." Deiter said.

"Why would they put Bluetooth Two in there? I thought you said it had Bluetooth Three" Rene nitpicked.

"Bluetooth ALSO, you bone head" Deiter scowled. "The iRing talks to the phone with Bluetooth 3".

"I see." said Rene.

"That's right, the iSee talks on Bluetooth three too" Deiter says.

"Bluetooth 32..." Rene barely had the words out of his mouth when he realized his folly, but he was still quick enough to duck the iMac Magazine that Deiter threw at him.

Dieter began again. "You wear the iphone behind your ear. The Camera is built into the the lower portion which hangs below your earlobe. iVid they call it. Oh, and get this, those Zado Graphics guys also have a trans-cranial auditory stimulator. It induces sound sensations right into your auditory nerve. Apple is going to call that..."

"Let me guess", blurted Rene. "iHear?"

"Exactly!" Deiter said.
"You got the iPhone, behind the ear."
"You got the iVid on the earlobe"
"You got the iSee beside the eye."
"You got the iHear talking to you."

Rene, feeling the love, fairly squealed: "And the iRing to rule them all".

Magazines flew in both directions.